Meili W.

Abuse of power in leadership is not a new story, but it remains heartbreaking. Men like Epstein, Cosby, and now P. Diddy—giants who loom large over our culture—have long thrived in systems that protect their power while ignoring their abuse. This isn’t just about individual acts of harm; it’s about a larger pattern of abuse of power in leadership, where societal structures, celebrity worship, and patriarchal systems conspire to keep abusers insulated from accountability. And yet, we—society—too often look away, enabling these men by buying into the myth of the untouchable, exceptional man. It’s easier to believe in their invincibility than to confront the truth: unchecked power almost always leads to abuse.

The media feeds us these sensationalized stories: 784 dildos and 1,000 bottles of baby oil seized from P. Diddy’s home. But in doing so, it obscures the larger truth. It allows us to gawk at the spectacle while ignoring the machinery that enables these men—the systems of protection and silence that allow men like Diddy to commit such acts for decades without accountability (Neimark, 2016) (Young, 2005). It’s not an isolated scandal; it’s a pattern. From Epstein to Savile, from Cosby to R. Kelly, we see the same thing over and over again: men who live above the law until the damage they’ve caused can no longer be hidden.

Toxic Masculinity and Abuse of Power in Leadership

At the heart of these abuses lies a societal construct so deeply ingrained we often fail to recognize it—toxic masculinity. From childhood, boys are conditioned to believe that power means control and that showing vulnerability is a weakness (Promundo & Unilever, 2019). This isn’t just about isolated incidents or individuals; it’s a systemic issue that has persisted for generations, unchecked and normalized. We teach men that dominance defines their worth, while silencing their capacity for empathy.

Take male hubris as a striking example. When 20% of men believe they could land a plane without any prior experience, it’s easy to laugh—but it’s a symptom of something much larger. This overestimation of abilities isn’t just a quirk of personality; it’s a reflection of a culture that rewards men for projecting entitlement and confidence, no matter how unfounded. And when we place these men in positions of power, the consequences are profound.

Consider Elon Musk’s objectifying remark about Taylor Swift. This wasn’t just an offhand joke—it was a public demonstration of entitlement, a reminder of how deeply sexism runs through the veins of those in power. Musk’s remark wasn’t about Taylor Swift’s accomplishments or brilliance; it reduced her to her biology, reinforcing the toxic idea that women exist to serve men’s desires.

But the problem doesn’t stop with men like Musk. We need to ask ourselves: why does society celebrate male overconfidence while teaching women that humility is their greatest virtue? This is the dynamic that fuels the cycle of power and abuse (Young, I. M. 2003). Men like Epstein, Cosby, and Diddy didn’t rise to power despite this toxic masculinity—they thrived because of it, enabled by a culture that never demanded accountability.

The truth is, we are all complicit. Every time we look the other way, when we allow these behaviors to continue unchecked, we are reinforcing the systems that protect these men. If we want to stop the abuse of power in leadership, we must start by acknowledging the role we play in keeping that power unchallenged.

How Fame and Influence Shield Abuse

Think of how much of our culture glorifies the powerful, dominant man. Think of how many of our idols fit this mold—men celebrated for their strength, their control, their fearlessness. Toxic masculinity doesn’t just teach men to dominate—it teaches them that their dominance is what makes them valuable (Promundo & Unilever, 2019). When that mindset is compounded with fame, it creates a dangerous entitlement. It tells men like Epstein, Cosby, and Diddy that they can do whatever they want and get away with it.

Patriarchy and the Abuse of Power in Leadership

Let’s be clear: this isn’t just about a few bad men. This is about the patriarchal structures that condition all of us—men, women, institutions—to see male dominance as a natural order. It’s about the idea that men protect and women submit. It’s about governments and corporations that mirror these dynamics, adopting paternalistic policies that claim to protect but instead strip away autonomy.

The logic of “masculinist protection,” as feminist theorist Iris Marion Young explained, is built into our political systems, our relationships, our culture. In exchange for protection, women are expected to obey, to sacrifice, to stay silent. But what happens when those “protectors” are the very ones doing the harm? What happens when the systems meant to protect us are instead used to silence us (Young, 2003)? We know what happens—women are left without recourse, without power, often without hope.

Shame, Silence, and the Victims of Power

And then, of course, comes the shame. Why didn’t she come forward sooner? How many times have we heard this refrain? The shame that accompanies sexual abuse is profound, especially for women in a society that values our “purity” above all else. Think of the courtroom exchanges we’ve witnessed. In 2018, a defense lawyer argued that a teenage girl’s thong was an invitation for assault. In 2020, a judge in New Jersey suggested that the victim should have just “closed her legs.” The blame is always laid at the feet of the victim .

But the real question is: Why do we place the burden of proof on the victim at all?

The Silencing of Men: Toxic Masculinity’s Reach

And it’s not just women who suffer under these toxic systems; men, too, are ensnared by the rigid confines of toxic masculinity. Rarely do we discuss how this harmful construct silences men who are victims of abuse. When men experience assault, they are often bombarded with messages that being a victim contradicts their manhood—that it renders them weak or “less than” a man. This insidious societal conditioning keeps many male victims trapped in silence, fearing that vulnerability will strip them of their dignity.

Consider the Boy Scouts scandal, a heart-wrenching example of this silence, where over 92,000 men bravely stepped forward after decades of abuse (Levine, Carole, 2021). This revelation underscores the profound depth of shame that has been ingrained in them. For more than 70 years, these individuals carried their trauma, burdened by the fear that speaking out would not only challenge their masculinity but also diminish their voices in a society that all too often equates strength with silence.

Breaking the Cycle: Holding Power to Account

So how do we break this cycle? We must start by holding the powerful accountable. We can no longer allow toxic behaviors to be excused, normalized, or swept under the rug. Ethical leadership must be redefined to include transparency, empathy, and a commitment to equality. Real leadership isn’t about dominance—it’s about service.

The #MeToo movement gave us a glimpse of what collective action can do, but we can’t stop there. It’s time to demand that those in power—whether they’re running governments, corporations, or even communities—live up to the same standards of accountability that the rest of us do. If we don’t challenge the systems of power that protect abusers, then we are complicit in their abuses.

But here’s the hope: We are not powerless. By raising our voices, by demanding better, by refusing to stay silent, we can create the change we so desperately need. Only when power is met with accountability and leadership with empathy can we create a society where everyone—regardless of gender, status, or background—feels safe enough to speak their truth.

Steps to Break the Cycle of Power and Abuse:

1. Hold the Powerful Accountable: We must stop excusing or overlooking harmful behavior from those in positions of power. Leaders in government, corporations, and communities must be held to the same ethical standards as everyone else, with legal policies that ensure accountability and prevent abuse.
2. Challenge Toxic Masculinity: We need to challenge toxic masculine norms that encourage aggression, dominance, and emotional suppression. Raising boys to value empathy, vulnerability, and emotional openness is critical for fostering healthier, more compassionate forms of masculinity.
3. Reject Celebrity and Fame as Shields for Abuse: Society must stop glorifying fame and power as excuses for unethical behavior. Fame should not protect individuals from accountability. We need to recognize that even our idols must face consequences for their actions.
4. Address Patriarchal Structures: Address the patriarchal systems that perpetuate male dominance and female submission. Governments, corporations, and institutions need to be reformed to promote gender equality and break the cycle of patriarchal protectionism.
5. Eliminate Victim-Blaming and Shame: Society must eliminate victim-blaming and create systems that support survivors. We must focus on holding perpetrators accountable, not scrutinizing victims for their behavior or choices.
6. Create Safe Spaces for Male Victims to Speak Out: Toxic masculinity also silences male victims of abuse. We must create environments where men feel safe to come forward about their experiences without fear of ridicule or emasculation.
7. Promote Ethical Leadership: Redefine leadership to prioritize empathy, transparency, and accountability, instead of dominance and control. Leaders must model ethical behavior and create inclusive environments.
8. Educate and Raise Awareness: Launch educational campaigns to raise awareness about the impacts of toxic masculinity, patriarchy, and the abuse of power in leadership. Public education should teach both men and women about recognizing abuse and fostering relationships based on equality.
9. Support Survivors: Provide survivors with access to mental health services, legal support, and platforms where their voices can be heard. Establish comprehensive systems to help them heal and regain their power.
10. Demand Systemic Change: Advocate for legal and policy changes that protect victims, prevent abuse, and hold abusers accountable. Public pressure and activism are essential to ensure institutions no longer protect abusers but foster environments where abuse is not tolerated.